One evening in March 2006 while laying in the bath (my favourite past time) and doing what came natural to me, I began feeling my boobs. 'Oh bugger, not another', I thought as my fingers came across a very tiny pea sized shape that felt hard to touch in my right breast. Going over and over it, to make sure in my mind that 'yes' I had found yet another lump, I shouted Lee to have a feel, confirming to me that this lump was not here the last time that I had checked my boobs.
The following morning I rang my GP to get an appointment and as always, they confirmed and started the ball rolling for a referral to the hospital to get it checked out.
2 wks on and I’m back sitting and waiting in the waiting room of the breast clinic, waiting to have my small boobs felt up by yet another doctor. Flicking through a magazine that I had purposely bought earlier, knowing that my appointment wouldn't be a quick in and out process. These appointments were never quick and always took longer than you would like, people came and went, nurses rushed around back and forth and every so often stopped to shout a patients name. Three quarters of an hour after my appointment time, I faintly heard my name called over the whispers and talking of all the other patients in the room. Looking up to the direction of where the voice came, I saw a nurse standing there, holding on to a file that was obviously mine. About time I thought as I stood up and followed her into a little side room, that lead off the main corridor. "The doctor will be with you shortly" she politely said with a smile, and then quickly turned and left the room. I sat there patiently and calmly, after-all I had been here before on quite a few occasions, I knew the routine and there was nothing to worry about.
I had been sat a further 15 minutes before the doctor had come into the room, she seemed nice and asked me questions about my previous history regarding breasts lumps, I was happy to answer and go through what she already knew from my medical notes that she had in front of her. A fluid filled cyst aspirated in 2001 from the right breast, a fibrodenoma removed in 2005, from the left breast. Then the questions came of why I was there today. "Well" I said, "two reasons really, the first is I have found another lump in my right breast, and the second, is that I can still feel a bit of a hard area from where the fibrodenoma was, and just need reassurance that it's nothing" I told her. She smiled and ushered me over to the examination coach, asking me to take off my top and bra. After examining both my breasts she agreed that she could definitely feel the lump in my right breast. "We’ll do an ultrasound on that" she said as she turned around motioning for me to get dressed. I was told to go back to the waiting room and wait until they were ready to perform the ultra sound.
I hadn't been sat there long, or had I been too engrossed in my magazine to notice, but anyway I was called by a different nurse "would you like to come this way please" she said with a sweet voice. I obliged and followed her through some doors and through a narrow curved corridor that had glass walls to one side, revealing a sort of tranquil garden, to the other side was a smaller waiting room to the one I had just come from. I was told to take a seat and someone would be with me shortly. Not bothering to read this time I focused on the small flat screen TV that was high up on the wall and ten minutes later, the same nurse came and asked me to come through. I entered a small very dim lit room, the same room that I had been before with the fibrodenoma. It contained a couch and a trolley at the side, containing a large monitor and other technical equipment. I was so pleased that I had on my front fastening blouse and my one and only front fastening bra, the bra that was purposely bought for reasons like today, it made dressing and undressing so much quicker.
I lay on the coach and a male doctor entered, the nurse stood at my left side as the male doctor poured the jelly stuff onto my right breast from where he sat with the trolley to my right. He ran the ultra sound probe over my entire breast. I was cranking my head and eyes so far round to see what showed up on the monitor that I started to go a little boz eye'd. "Mmm yes, definitely 2 cysts in there" he said as he started to squirt the jello stuff onto my left breast. "Two?" I queried, He didn't acknowledge as he concentrated on running the ultra scan probe around the whole of my left breast. "That one is fine" he said at last. "I'm just going insert a fine needle into your right breast, and drain the fluid from the cysts" he continued "it's virtually pain free" he added with a re-assuring smile. "You said there are two" I sort of queried, making sure that I had heard him correctly before, as I had only felt one. "Yes" he replied. "there is a small one towards the upper centre of the chest and another which is a little larger, right at the side of the breast" he said as he entered the needle into the side of my breast, going for the bigger of the cysts first, the one I hadn’t even felt. Using the ultra sound probe he directed the needle to the cyst, and before my eyes I saw the black round object on the monitor disappear. Moving the probe over to the upper centre of my chest, he moved it around and paused over the small object that was his target, the cyst, the lump that I had gone about, he inserted the needle and as he did, the cyst seemed to vanish, even before the needle got to it. I watched the screen as the doctor moved the probe around and around, my breast was feeling very sore by this point, which was either due to the pressure of the probe or from the needle that was still digging into me. After few seconds more, he removed the needle. "I can't find it now" he said "it's probably just dispersed from the pressure, which can sometimes happen", he told me with his still very reassuring voice. "What about the left side?" I asked, "There isn't anything showing on the ultra sound" he answered "would you like to discuss it with the doctor?" he added. "Yes please" I answered while putting my upper clothing back on. I hadn't had an explanation to why there was a hard lumpy bit there and felt that I needed to hear from an expert what it was, seeing that the radiologist didn't even attempt to do so. I wanted assurance that it was what I thought it could be, and that maybe it was scarring from the surgery that I'd had.
I was taken straight through to one of the side rooms again from the main corridor. My right breast was feeling very tender from the needle and the pressure of the ultra sound. I lifted my hand up to give the area a little rub. Hang on, he said that lump had dispersed, if that was the case, then why could I still feel it. I started to run my fingers over the tiny lump again and again, checking and feeling the exact same pea sized lump, in the exact same place that I’d come here for in the first place.
"The lump is still there" I said immediately as the doctor entered the room holding my file. For legal reasons, I will call her 'Dr X'. Anyway 'Dr X' sat down in the chair opposite and opened my file before speaking. She was a dark coloured lady, a different doctor who I had seen earlier today. "Your file says its been aspirated" she said eventually. " it wasn't" I said and continued to tell her what had happened and what the radiologist said. "Take your upper clothing off and pop onto the coach" she told me. I did as I was told. I lay there on the coach while she pressed and squeezed my small breasts. "What is the hard lump on the left side, is it scarring or something" I asked and proceeded to tell her that the ultra sound didn't pick up anything there. There was no answer, she told me to sit up, put my arms on my hips, raise my arms above my head, which I did, whilst all the time she was probing my breasts. "there is nothing there" she eventually said. I put my hand to my breast, and with the tip of my middle finger went straight to the area that I could feel the small pea sized lump, the lump that I had gone about, the lump that was not a natural part of me. "There is" I said "it's right here, its only small but I can feel it" I continued, motioning for her to feel the exact same spot. "lean forward" she said. Her tone startled me a little as she sounded like she was getting a little impatient with me. I did as I was told. She then told me to cup my breast with the whole of my hand, again, I did as I was told and with her hand over mine she proceeded to squeeze and prod my breast, forcing my fingers and palm deep into my breast. "This is how to examine your breasts" she said very sharply, "not how you have just done it" she carried on. I pulled away, feeling very uncomfortable with the way that she was speaking to me, and making me do a self examination. It felt more like vicious groping, not self examination. Plus! I wasn't even doing a self examination, I was trying to point out to her where the lump was, and how on earth are you supposed to feel anything that way anyhow. "you can't feel it like that" I said and placed my middle finger along with the finger next to my little one, gently over the area again to show her where it was. "if you just rub your finger over here you will feel it" I told her. "There is nothing there" she snapped. I looked at her, trying to acknowledge whether or not I had heard the tone in her voice that I had thought I'd heard. "Your paranoid girl, there is nothing there' she snapped. I had definitely heard the tone correctly. "I'm NOT paranoid" I snapped back "there is a lump in my breast that isn't usually there". My heart started to pound as I held back the tears that were now forming in my eyes. "Look, you have lumpy breasts, it's your age so deal with it" her tone was getting even more abrupt "I deal with breasts, all day, every day, and I know what I'm talking about" she continued. By this time I'd got my bra fastened and fastening my blouse. I wanted to get out of there as quickly as I could. The tears I’d been trying to hold back were no longer hidden as they were rolling down my cheeks. "the lump is there and I'm not paranoid" I continued "what’s the matter with you girl" she snapped again "do you want me to tell you, you have cancer". That was the last straw, I couldn’t even look at her anymore, "I'm here for reassurance that I DON'T have cancer" I snapped back as I quickly stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind me.
I had a mixture of feelings as I stormed out of the hospital, I was angry, upset and felt totally humiliated. I had never been spoken to in such a manner before in my life, not even by my own mother. How could that 'Dr X' tell me that she knew my breasts better than me, this was the first time I had ever laid eyes on her, and I had known my breasts from the first day that they had started to develop. As soon as I got sat in my car, I let the tears flow. I was so angry and knew I needed to calm down before driving off for home. I hit the quick dial button on my mobile as I lit up a cigarette. "I can’t believe how I've just been treated" I sobbed as soon as Lee had answered his phone. And continued gabbling on about 'Dr X' and the lump, while puffing vigorously on my ciggie, not giving Lee a chance to say a word.
I eventually calmed down, and started up the car engine to drive home. I tried immensely to figure out what I had done so wrong, to have been treated in such a way. Was I paranoid like she said, I started to question myself and continued to check if the lump was really there, or a figment of my imagination.
Over the months that same lump grew and grew. I kept telling myself that 'Dr X' was right and I was just being paranoid, even though I could feel it. I kept asking Lee to feel it and repeatedly asked him if I was being paranoid or if the lump really was there. Lee always confirmed and continued to tell me to go back to the hospital and get it checked out, but to tell you the truth I didn't dare go back as the idea of 'Dr X' giving me another lecture, being abrupt and humiliating me again had totally put me off.
Still that same lump continued to grow, and became more and more painful to the point where I would cup my breast to support it as I took off my bra. The final straw was a year later, whilst getting undressed for my bath one evening Lee stared at me in disbelieve, and told me that I had to stop being silly and go back to the hospital. The lump had grown that much he could visibly see it. When he said this, I turned to look in the mirror and it was at this point that I saw what he was talking about and also noticed something else that looked totally wrong. My nipple had changed in appearance and was slightly inverted.
The following morning, I went to the doctors to be transferred back to the hospital, "I don't want to see the same person" I told him, and reiterated what had happened the previous year. My GP was totally sympathetic and told me that which doctor I could see was out of his control but assured me that I was in my rights to ask for someone else if I did not want the person that came into the consulting room to see me.
After waiting 2 weeks and hearing nothing about my referral, I rang the hospital to enquire when my appointment would be to have this lump looked at. They hadn't received any referral for me and after a long discussion with the nurse she decided to ring my GP direct to find out what was happening. I couldn't believe it! What the Hell is wrong with these people. It turned out that my GP had forgotten to send off my referral. The referral was issued and I was told that I would receive an appointment within the next 2 weeks. I Don't know who the nurse was who I spoke to but I am hoping that she will come across this one day so that she knows that I am truly grateful as she kept an eye out for the referral and rang me 2 days later with an appointment which was to be in a couple of days time.
I arrived at the hospital at last on Tuesday 15th May 2007, and was seen 'Mr Boob Man' (thankfully it wasn't 'Dr X'). 'Mr Boob Man' examined me and asked a lot of questions about my history with breast lumps. He asked why I didn't have a mammogram when I was there the last time and so I told him about my ordeal with 'Dr X'. He was very sympathetic and told me that today I would be having one and so after a long conversation and an examination with him he sent me to another room to have a Mammogram. A lot of people have said that mammograms hurt but I didn't find it at all painful or uncomfortable and it only took a couple of minutes. The worst part of it I found was that the mammogram machine bit where you have to put your breast was a little high for me and with not having that much I did find it awkward to rest my tiny breast on the x-ray plate. Another plate was closed up on my breast with firm pressure to compress my breast. If the compression isn’t enough the mammogram images may be blurry and small lesions can be overlooked.
After the mammogram I was then taken back to the little waiting room opposite the tranquil garden to wait for an Ultra Sound. Once inside the very familiar Ultra Sound room, flash backs of the previous year came flooding back, as I undressed myself once again and climbed up onto the coach. This is the point that I started to get a little worried and wished that I'd asked someone to come with me. The nurse who did the Ultra Sound said that the mammogram was showing some Micro-calcifications so they needed to take some Needle (core) biopsies to send to the lab to be tested. The biopsies were done under a local anaesthetic so I wouldn't feel anything, (expect for the 'Sharp scratch' that they always tell you prior to sticking a great big needle into you. but the clicking of the gadget they used made me jump every time. The size of that needle well all I can say is Wow! I shouldn’t have looked, it was huge, no bigger than huge, it was humongous. I have had biopsies before so that didn't concern me, but what did concern me was how my breast lump looked on the ultra sound monitor. It looked different to the other lumps that I have had before. The ultra sound was showing lots of white dots, scattered around a very different looking lump to what I had had before. You see, up until this point I had always thought that it was another fibroadenoma as it felt the same. My fibroadenoma had shown up very black on the ultra sound and so had my fluid filled cysts but this wasn’t dense black like them. The white dots scared me and it was at this point that I knew that I was dealing with something very different.
After having 4 biopsies taken I was told to make an appointment at the reception desk for the 17th May, which was only 2 days away. The last time I had biopsies taken I had to wait 2 weeks for my results. I was really worried now "What if" it is cancer, the inverted nipple and the white micro-calcification dots on the ultra sound made me think that it could be, but the pain and the knowledge that I was prone to lumps made me think otherwise. Plus I had no family history of breast cancer. My stomach was somersaulting as I walked out of the breast clinic and to my car. I kept telling myself that it was just another fibroadenoma that I needed to have removed as soon as possible. After all they say that Cancer is a silent killer, meaning you don't feel it don't they? And this lump was causing me a lot of pain. My head was all over the place, not knowing what to think. I rang Lee and explained everything to him; my heart was pounding so hard now with worry, it was a wonder Lee could actually hear me gabble on... He told me to try not to worry and that everything would be ok. I had to ring my mum too as she knew I was going to the hospital. I told her that I'd had a mammogram and ultra sound and that they had taken 4 biopsies, the only thing that I left out from telling her, was that I personally was afraid and feared that it could be cancer. Lee's mum rang to see how things had gone and Lee told her the same story as I had told my mum.
For the rest of that day and the following day my head was all over the place, Thinking! 'What if' it is cancer? Each time that question popped into my head I quickly shrugged it off and told myself not to be silly and that it was just another fibroadenoma. I have no family history of breast cancer so it couldn't be. I browsed the Internet to try and find ultra sound pictures of breast lumps that looked like mine. Obviously I couldn't find any, but all the pictures that showed white; were indeed cancerous. Saying that, through doing some searching on the internet on the Micro-calcifications it did say that most breast calcifications are benign and are not always caused by cancer. Lee seeing how all this was affecting me, not effecting, just plain freaking me out, decided to take a day off work and come with me for my results. I am so relieved that he did......
The following morning I rang my GP to get an appointment and as always, they confirmed and started the ball rolling for a referral to the hospital to get it checked out.
2 wks on and I’m back sitting and waiting in the waiting room of the breast clinic, waiting to have my small boobs felt up by yet another doctor. Flicking through a magazine that I had purposely bought earlier, knowing that my appointment wouldn't be a quick in and out process. These appointments were never quick and always took longer than you would like, people came and went, nurses rushed around back and forth and every so often stopped to shout a patients name. Three quarters of an hour after my appointment time, I faintly heard my name called over the whispers and talking of all the other patients in the room. Looking up to the direction of where the voice came, I saw a nurse standing there, holding on to a file that was obviously mine. About time I thought as I stood up and followed her into a little side room, that lead off the main corridor. "The doctor will be with you shortly" she politely said with a smile, and then quickly turned and left the room. I sat there patiently and calmly, after-all I had been here before on quite a few occasions, I knew the routine and there was nothing to worry about.
I had been sat a further 15 minutes before the doctor had come into the room, she seemed nice and asked me questions about my previous history regarding breasts lumps, I was happy to answer and go through what she already knew from my medical notes that she had in front of her. A fluid filled cyst aspirated in 2001 from the right breast, a fibrodenoma removed in 2005, from the left breast. Then the questions came of why I was there today. "Well" I said, "two reasons really, the first is I have found another lump in my right breast, and the second, is that I can still feel a bit of a hard area from where the fibrodenoma was, and just need reassurance that it's nothing" I told her. She smiled and ushered me over to the examination coach, asking me to take off my top and bra. After examining both my breasts she agreed that she could definitely feel the lump in my right breast. "We’ll do an ultrasound on that" she said as she turned around motioning for me to get dressed. I was told to go back to the waiting room and wait until they were ready to perform the ultra sound.
I hadn't been sat there long, or had I been too engrossed in my magazine to notice, but anyway I was called by a different nurse "would you like to come this way please" she said with a sweet voice. I obliged and followed her through some doors and through a narrow curved corridor that had glass walls to one side, revealing a sort of tranquil garden, to the other side was a smaller waiting room to the one I had just come from. I was told to take a seat and someone would be with me shortly. Not bothering to read this time I focused on the small flat screen TV that was high up on the wall and ten minutes later, the same nurse came and asked me to come through. I entered a small very dim lit room, the same room that I had been before with the fibrodenoma. It contained a couch and a trolley at the side, containing a large monitor and other technical equipment. I was so pleased that I had on my front fastening blouse and my one and only front fastening bra, the bra that was purposely bought for reasons like today, it made dressing and undressing so much quicker.
I lay on the coach and a male doctor entered, the nurse stood at my left side as the male doctor poured the jelly stuff onto my right breast from where he sat with the trolley to my right. He ran the ultra sound probe over my entire breast. I was cranking my head and eyes so far round to see what showed up on the monitor that I started to go a little boz eye'd. "Mmm yes, definitely 2 cysts in there" he said as he started to squirt the jello stuff onto my left breast. "Two?" I queried, He didn't acknowledge as he concentrated on running the ultra scan probe around the whole of my left breast. "That one is fine" he said at last. "I'm just going insert a fine needle into your right breast, and drain the fluid from the cysts" he continued "it's virtually pain free" he added with a re-assuring smile. "You said there are two" I sort of queried, making sure that I had heard him correctly before, as I had only felt one. "Yes" he replied. "there is a small one towards the upper centre of the chest and another which is a little larger, right at the side of the breast" he said as he entered the needle into the side of my breast, going for the bigger of the cysts first, the one I hadn’t even felt. Using the ultra sound probe he directed the needle to the cyst, and before my eyes I saw the black round object on the monitor disappear. Moving the probe over to the upper centre of my chest, he moved it around and paused over the small object that was his target, the cyst, the lump that I had gone about, he inserted the needle and as he did, the cyst seemed to vanish, even before the needle got to it. I watched the screen as the doctor moved the probe around and around, my breast was feeling very sore by this point, which was either due to the pressure of the probe or from the needle that was still digging into me. After few seconds more, he removed the needle. "I can't find it now" he said "it's probably just dispersed from the pressure, which can sometimes happen", he told me with his still very reassuring voice. "What about the left side?" I asked, "There isn't anything showing on the ultra sound" he answered "would you like to discuss it with the doctor?" he added. "Yes please" I answered while putting my upper clothing back on. I hadn't had an explanation to why there was a hard lumpy bit there and felt that I needed to hear from an expert what it was, seeing that the radiologist didn't even attempt to do so. I wanted assurance that it was what I thought it could be, and that maybe it was scarring from the surgery that I'd had.
I was taken straight through to one of the side rooms again from the main corridor. My right breast was feeling very tender from the needle and the pressure of the ultra sound. I lifted my hand up to give the area a little rub. Hang on, he said that lump had dispersed, if that was the case, then why could I still feel it. I started to run my fingers over the tiny lump again and again, checking and feeling the exact same pea sized lump, in the exact same place that I’d come here for in the first place.
"The lump is still there" I said immediately as the doctor entered the room holding my file. For legal reasons, I will call her 'Dr X'. Anyway 'Dr X' sat down in the chair opposite and opened my file before speaking. She was a dark coloured lady, a different doctor who I had seen earlier today. "Your file says its been aspirated" she said eventually. " it wasn't" I said and continued to tell her what had happened and what the radiologist said. "Take your upper clothing off and pop onto the coach" she told me. I did as I was told. I lay there on the coach while she pressed and squeezed my small breasts. "What is the hard lump on the left side, is it scarring or something" I asked and proceeded to tell her that the ultra sound didn't pick up anything there. There was no answer, she told me to sit up, put my arms on my hips, raise my arms above my head, which I did, whilst all the time she was probing my breasts. "there is nothing there" she eventually said. I put my hand to my breast, and with the tip of my middle finger went straight to the area that I could feel the small pea sized lump, the lump that I had gone about, the lump that was not a natural part of me. "There is" I said "it's right here, its only small but I can feel it" I continued, motioning for her to feel the exact same spot. "lean forward" she said. Her tone startled me a little as she sounded like she was getting a little impatient with me. I did as I was told. She then told me to cup my breast with the whole of my hand, again, I did as I was told and with her hand over mine she proceeded to squeeze and prod my breast, forcing my fingers and palm deep into my breast. "This is how to examine your breasts" she said very sharply, "not how you have just done it" she carried on. I pulled away, feeling very uncomfortable with the way that she was speaking to me, and making me do a self examination. It felt more like vicious groping, not self examination. Plus! I wasn't even doing a self examination, I was trying to point out to her where the lump was, and how on earth are you supposed to feel anything that way anyhow. "you can't feel it like that" I said and placed my middle finger along with the finger next to my little one, gently over the area again to show her where it was. "if you just rub your finger over here you will feel it" I told her. "There is nothing there" she snapped. I looked at her, trying to acknowledge whether or not I had heard the tone in her voice that I had thought I'd heard. "Your paranoid girl, there is nothing there' she snapped. I had definitely heard the tone correctly. "I'm NOT paranoid" I snapped back "there is a lump in my breast that isn't usually there". My heart started to pound as I held back the tears that were now forming in my eyes. "Look, you have lumpy breasts, it's your age so deal with it" her tone was getting even more abrupt "I deal with breasts, all day, every day, and I know what I'm talking about" she continued. By this time I'd got my bra fastened and fastening my blouse. I wanted to get out of there as quickly as I could. The tears I’d been trying to hold back were no longer hidden as they were rolling down my cheeks. "the lump is there and I'm not paranoid" I continued "what’s the matter with you girl" she snapped again "do you want me to tell you, you have cancer". That was the last straw, I couldn’t even look at her anymore, "I'm here for reassurance that I DON'T have cancer" I snapped back as I quickly stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind me.
I had a mixture of feelings as I stormed out of the hospital, I was angry, upset and felt totally humiliated. I had never been spoken to in such a manner before in my life, not even by my own mother. How could that 'Dr X' tell me that she knew my breasts better than me, this was the first time I had ever laid eyes on her, and I had known my breasts from the first day that they had started to develop. As soon as I got sat in my car, I let the tears flow. I was so angry and knew I needed to calm down before driving off for home. I hit the quick dial button on my mobile as I lit up a cigarette. "I can’t believe how I've just been treated" I sobbed as soon as Lee had answered his phone. And continued gabbling on about 'Dr X' and the lump, while puffing vigorously on my ciggie, not giving Lee a chance to say a word.
I eventually calmed down, and started up the car engine to drive home. I tried immensely to figure out what I had done so wrong, to have been treated in such a way. Was I paranoid like she said, I started to question myself and continued to check if the lump was really there, or a figment of my imagination.
Over the months that same lump grew and grew. I kept telling myself that 'Dr X' was right and I was just being paranoid, even though I could feel it. I kept asking Lee to feel it and repeatedly asked him if I was being paranoid or if the lump really was there. Lee always confirmed and continued to tell me to go back to the hospital and get it checked out, but to tell you the truth I didn't dare go back as the idea of 'Dr X' giving me another lecture, being abrupt and humiliating me again had totally put me off.
Still that same lump continued to grow, and became more and more painful to the point where I would cup my breast to support it as I took off my bra. The final straw was a year later, whilst getting undressed for my bath one evening Lee stared at me in disbelieve, and told me that I had to stop being silly and go back to the hospital. The lump had grown that much he could visibly see it. When he said this, I turned to look in the mirror and it was at this point that I saw what he was talking about and also noticed something else that looked totally wrong. My nipple had changed in appearance and was slightly inverted.
The following morning, I went to the doctors to be transferred back to the hospital, "I don't want to see the same person" I told him, and reiterated what had happened the previous year. My GP was totally sympathetic and told me that which doctor I could see was out of his control but assured me that I was in my rights to ask for someone else if I did not want the person that came into the consulting room to see me.
After waiting 2 weeks and hearing nothing about my referral, I rang the hospital to enquire when my appointment would be to have this lump looked at. They hadn't received any referral for me and after a long discussion with the nurse she decided to ring my GP direct to find out what was happening. I couldn't believe it! What the Hell is wrong with these people. It turned out that my GP had forgotten to send off my referral. The referral was issued and I was told that I would receive an appointment within the next 2 weeks. I Don't know who the nurse was who I spoke to but I am hoping that she will come across this one day so that she knows that I am truly grateful as she kept an eye out for the referral and rang me 2 days later with an appointment which was to be in a couple of days time.
I arrived at the hospital at last on Tuesday 15th May 2007, and was seen 'Mr Boob Man' (thankfully it wasn't 'Dr X'). 'Mr Boob Man' examined me and asked a lot of questions about my history with breast lumps. He asked why I didn't have a mammogram when I was there the last time and so I told him about my ordeal with 'Dr X'. He was very sympathetic and told me that today I would be having one and so after a long conversation and an examination with him he sent me to another room to have a Mammogram. A lot of people have said that mammograms hurt but I didn't find it at all painful or uncomfortable and it only took a couple of minutes. The worst part of it I found was that the mammogram machine bit where you have to put your breast was a little high for me and with not having that much I did find it awkward to rest my tiny breast on the x-ray plate. Another plate was closed up on my breast with firm pressure to compress my breast. If the compression isn’t enough the mammogram images may be blurry and small lesions can be overlooked.
After the mammogram I was then taken back to the little waiting room opposite the tranquil garden to wait for an Ultra Sound. Once inside the very familiar Ultra Sound room, flash backs of the previous year came flooding back, as I undressed myself once again and climbed up onto the coach. This is the point that I started to get a little worried and wished that I'd asked someone to come with me. The nurse who did the Ultra Sound said that the mammogram was showing some Micro-calcifications so they needed to take some Needle (core) biopsies to send to the lab to be tested. The biopsies were done under a local anaesthetic so I wouldn't feel anything, (expect for the 'Sharp scratch' that they always tell you prior to sticking a great big needle into you. but the clicking of the gadget they used made me jump every time. The size of that needle well all I can say is Wow! I shouldn’t have looked, it was huge, no bigger than huge, it was humongous. I have had biopsies before so that didn't concern me, but what did concern me was how my breast lump looked on the ultra sound monitor. It looked different to the other lumps that I have had before. The ultra sound was showing lots of white dots, scattered around a very different looking lump to what I had had before. You see, up until this point I had always thought that it was another fibroadenoma as it felt the same. My fibroadenoma had shown up very black on the ultra sound and so had my fluid filled cysts but this wasn’t dense black like them. The white dots scared me and it was at this point that I knew that I was dealing with something very different.
After having 4 biopsies taken I was told to make an appointment at the reception desk for the 17th May, which was only 2 days away. The last time I had biopsies taken I had to wait 2 weeks for my results. I was really worried now "What if" it is cancer, the inverted nipple and the white micro-calcification dots on the ultra sound made me think that it could be, but the pain and the knowledge that I was prone to lumps made me think otherwise. Plus I had no family history of breast cancer. My stomach was somersaulting as I walked out of the breast clinic and to my car. I kept telling myself that it was just another fibroadenoma that I needed to have removed as soon as possible. After all they say that Cancer is a silent killer, meaning you don't feel it don't they? And this lump was causing me a lot of pain. My head was all over the place, not knowing what to think. I rang Lee and explained everything to him; my heart was pounding so hard now with worry, it was a wonder Lee could actually hear me gabble on... He told me to try not to worry and that everything would be ok. I had to ring my mum too as she knew I was going to the hospital. I told her that I'd had a mammogram and ultra sound and that they had taken 4 biopsies, the only thing that I left out from telling her, was that I personally was afraid and feared that it could be cancer. Lee's mum rang to see how things had gone and Lee told her the same story as I had told my mum.
For the rest of that day and the following day my head was all over the place, Thinking! 'What if' it is cancer? Each time that question popped into my head I quickly shrugged it off and told myself not to be silly and that it was just another fibroadenoma. I have no family history of breast cancer so it couldn't be. I browsed the Internet to try and find ultra sound pictures of breast lumps that looked like mine. Obviously I couldn't find any, but all the pictures that showed white; were indeed cancerous. Saying that, through doing some searching on the internet on the Micro-calcifications it did say that most breast calcifications are benign and are not always caused by cancer. Lee seeing how all this was affecting me, not effecting, just plain freaking me out, decided to take a day off work and come with me for my results. I am so relieved that he did......
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